We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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