I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
