well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
