I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
