I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
