I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
