bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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