He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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