I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
