I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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