i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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