she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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