i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
