Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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