Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
