Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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