I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
