I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize