He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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