im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
