Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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