Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
