I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drunk is not a location!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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