I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
BRING THE BAGELS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
