Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
