The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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