I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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