Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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