dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
