"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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