so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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