Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
