R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
