I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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