I wish you could order shots online.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wear drunk well.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
