Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
