careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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