Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
