Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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