So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
