i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
