How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
MIDGETS
????
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
