White coat. Heels.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize