come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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