I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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