My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
last night I used snow as a chaser
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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