He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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