judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
