Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
