like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
