I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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