And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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