There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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