I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
