I'm so fucking centered right now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize