You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
