im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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