is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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