I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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