I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
