now i know why i became what i already was.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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