What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
