Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We have so much sex to catch up on
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
