just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
