he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
