enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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