yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
