FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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