this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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