they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i came on her dog
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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