I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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