I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
