I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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