Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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