i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We got so high we made milksteak
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
