after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
