I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
