Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
