At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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