my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
