Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
