So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
