In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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