I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
