I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
