i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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