I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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