I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
