Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
did i just pee glitter
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize