Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
