blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
