Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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